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Jun
22

Death, Taxes…and Dance Recitals.

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June 22, 2012

It’s that time again. Dark clouds have been gathering for awhile and I can hear the hoofbeats of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Dance recital weekend. I would never let the girls know but I hate dance recitals. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy watching my girls dance. It’s just the other 100 dances you have to sit through to see your offspring get their turn that is akin to waterboarding. Make no mistake, every Dad in that audience feels exactly as I do even if they won’t admit it. It is absolute torture to the male mind.

The girls wear makeup which drives me insane. Lots of makeup. Think clowns or hookers. I have pretty much given up on stopping this nonsense. They (they being the army of dance moms and instructors assembled against me) say that it is necessary for stage performances. That is fine but what drives me batty is when we take the kids to eat afterwards and people think I let my 9 and 6 year old wear whore makeup.

I have a few ideas for making these painful sessions more tolerable for the Dads. First off, beer. The Saenger Theatre could make a killing selling beer. Secondly, pagers. Like I get at the Olive Garden. The Dads can mingle in a back room playing poker and drinking cold beer. When your kid is about to go on, the pager goes off and you can go do your fatherly duty.

I can’t end this tirade without giving a nod to the dance Moms like my wife. I just have to sit through one night. They have multiple nights of practice and dress rehearsals to sit through. And by all appearances, handling all the dancers backstage is akin to herding cats. So kudos to you ladies.

Oh well. What are we gonna do. As the country song says, at some point we are gonna miss this. I just know that point is not gonna be this weekend. *sigh*

 

Trace Adkins–You’re Gonna Miss This

 

p.s. Makayla and Devyn, when you are older and I am dead and gone and you are reading through all these posts of mine that Ben will send you, know that I AM very proud of you both. I love you.

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  • Face

    Unfortunately, I had the pleasure of taking my 5 year old to the rehearsal this year. Imagine the boredom of waiting for your daughters’ one dance in the recital but add 40-50 3-10 year old girls running around the auditorium screaming at the top of their lungs waiting for their group to be called to the stage. It was a blast.

    June 25 2012
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    • Jessie Lou

      I can……..

      June 25 2012
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      • Irvine Redd

        There is one boring-for-the-same-reasons male sporting activity like dance recitals. They are called track meets. Even being an athlete in a track meet is boring. I didn’t run in high school, but I did in middle school, and it was boring as hell. You may sit around for an hour and a half, then run your 5-8 minute race, and then sit around for another hour and a half. I can’t imagine how tediously pointless a track meet is for a parent.

        June 25 2012
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        • Jessie Lou

          The worst thing about T-Ball/baseball and being at the ballfield in general are the parents! I miss watching my child play but I do not miss those awful parents a bit. I could have never been a stage mother either! Boys are alot easier than girls.

          June 25 2012
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          • Krebs

            The activities with boys are a ton better, about to head out for T-ball. The negative is they compete, argue, and wrestle one another 59 out of the 60 minutes of every hour.

            June 23 2012
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            • Ranaw

              Can we sit by you if you are going to be funny? At least your kids are in lots of dances. We have one girl in one dance in EACH recital. And I was pretty excited about 2 short recitals until I found out we had to go to both. AND to top it off there will be duplication so some dances we sit through TWICE.AND it set

              June 23 2012
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              • Harmony

                One of my nieces does dance, going to her dance recitals are a killer on my psyche. Just like you, I love watching her do something that she loves, but the wait AND dealing with the boys throughout the stretch has me ready to suit up for a straight jacket. Yes, beep me when it’s our turn! I’m sure it would be different if I was a part of the situation, the dance moms get totally involved with the other dancers and build relationships with them during the process.

                I’m like Tiny D with the boys, anything they do puffs my little heart up with pride. Even watching them get their teeth cleaned. Yep, I’m THAT person.

                June 22 2012
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                • Tiny D

                  Smily, it’s definitely a mom thing. I think I’d watch my kids in competitive basket weaving if necessary, and still sit bursting with pride at the ridiculousness of how quickly they weaved such beautiful patterns – even if they finished last…

                  June 22 2012
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                  • smilyj

                    Yeah, I definitely think the extra curriculars for little boys are more entertaining. I know they are for Dads. But even Moms get into them. Of course, that may just say something about moms. They enjoy everything the kids do while us dads have a bit of a shelfish gene.

                    June 22 2012
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