Quote of the Day:
“I am the Great Cornholio!” –Beavis
TB was speaking with a friend just the other day when suddenly they said something terrible.
What made it so bad was she wasn’t the first person to say such a thing to me–far from it. In fact, though I block it out immediately each time because it is so horrible to contemplate and I therefore find the frequency of the utterance impossible to quantify, I get told this with something approaching, dare I say it, regularity.
We were commiserating over the fact that we are both suffering from colds. Both of us are are thankful we’ve not had the flu. A few more pleasantries and then BAM! “This diarrhea is killin’ me though.”
Say what? Yeah, I actually had her repeat it, partly due to me being hard of hearing and partly because I can never freaking believe it when someone, uh, drops this revolting and completely unuseful fact. “This diarrhea, it’s bad,” she shook her head to emphasize the extent of her suffering.
Taken aback as always, and unable to, errr, evacuate the conversation without making some reply, I laughed. I always laugh when someone, um, runs that ailment by me.
What the hell else am I supposed to do? I can’t exactly help can I? What are these people after? “Well, you look great!” Or, “I can hardly even smell it!” Perhaps they’re hoping to connect on a deeper level? “Me too, dude!”
Sorry, all they’re gettin’, ehh, out of me is a laugh. That and probably something like “That stinks, man,” as I flee the encounter at a trot.
People I implore you. Those Facebook posts on how “it’s comin’ out both ways?” Wipe ‘em clean.
Water cooler talk about “sittin’ on the throne all night?” Hold it.
And for God’s sake, when communicating the details of your travails to old TB, when you get to the part about diarrhea, just flush it.