Quote of the Day 1:
“IMMA–Mac-a-RO-ni!” –7 year old Larry
With Thursday Pickin’ on the horizon, finally, TB’s been thinkin’ about my old ARBs and looking forward to seeing those old familiar names back in the MTGU. I thought I’d dish a little dirt on some of the boys (and maybe the girls) for your enjoyment.
I first met Larry through my first best friend, BR. They were cousins. BR and I played together almost everyday through our elementary years, starting when I was in first grade and BR was in Kindergarten. After a year or so of endless front yard one-on-one football followed by a daily-bountiful crawdad/golfball hunt in the Ingall’s Avenue ditch, suddenly Larry began to show up and expect some of BR’s attention. Larry and I, a year older than BR, were immediate and evenly matched rivals. I suppose he was my frenemy at the time though of course I’d never heard such a nonsensical word. A word I did hear in those days, however, was “IMMA-Mac-a-RO-ni!”
I thought it was stupid, even if I laughed along with BR when Larry said it. He’d do this gay little dance when he said it too. It WAS funny, I must admit. And to this day, when I think of Larry, I think of him doing his little jig in BR’s kitchen. It’s about seven p.m. on a random midsummer Tuesday. We’re eating those new Nacho Cheese flavored Doritos and drinking Barq’s Root Beer out of Dixie Cups. Larry is standing against the wall, next to the back door. BR’s Mom Brenda laughs, not surprisingly, and even his old man Russ betrays me by crackin’ a little smile. “Imma-Mac-a-RO-ni!!!” I asked a million times what it meant and where it came from and I don’t think I ever got a straight answer.
Quote of the Day 2: “You can do that alllllll night long…..” 22 year old Larry
Some years later Larry and I were roommates in Oxford, Mississippi. It was the night of the Egg Bowl and we were having a little late night party with a bunch of folks from home–Smily, Murray, Holly, Greekson, Big John and several others were there. It was about 2 am and our keg was as close to dry as it would go. We were all sitting around tellin’ old lies, Larry lying in front of our 3rd-hand love seat, which was occupied by Smily and Murray. Murray is a girl by the way. For maybe ten or fifteen minutes Smily had been stroking Larry’s already thinning mop of hair. Nobody had commented on it because (a) we were all between one and three sheets to the wind and (b) because it was Smily and (c) because I don’t know.
At some point my brain processed the unseemly scene and sent a message down that I should say something.
“What in the hell are y’all doin’ over there?!”
Smily just smiled and kept right on.
Larry looked up at me with the most self satisfied look you can imagine, revelin’ in the love he was getting now (and perhaps later?). He slowly shook his head and gently cooed, “You can do that alllllllll night long…..”
Well, that set the place on fire and as he slowly gauged our unexpectedly horrified reaction, a look of terror spread across Larry’s face. He looked up and realized his fondler for the evening was not Murray, but Smily. Smily smiled down upon him. Everybody else howled. Somehow Larry managed to crawl under the love seat in shame, never mind that it only featured a two inch clearance.
Quote of the Day 3: “If the Cowboys win 3 Super Bowls in the 90′s I’ll get a blue star tattooed on my ass.” –19 year old Larry
In 1989, the Dallas Cowboys were a terrible football team. Sweet was a fan and he just knew they were in for great things in the coming decade. He predicted at least 3 Super Bowl wins in the next ten years. Larry thought that was BS and he put his money where his mouth was. No, he put his ass where his mouth was–that’s much worse. “If the Cowboys win 3 Super Bowls in the 90′s I’ll get a blue star tattooed on my ass.”
Well, they did win 3 Super Bowls and so one week before Larry’s wedding, somewhere around 2000, when he would no longer have any say-so over the contents of his ass, Larry–to his everlasting credit–allowed himself to be driven over to Biloxi to get that blue star. As we rode over there was some controversy. Larry interpreted the oral contract quite literally and noting that size had not been discussed was determined to get a dime-sized star. Sweet, looking to the spirit of the agreement countered that it should be no less than a half-dollar. They bargained for awhile, Sweet offering to compromise at a quarter and Larry countering with a penny. Finally it was settled that a nickel-sized blue star tattoo would satisfy the debt.
And now we all know him alternately as Luscious Larry, Loser Larry, Leapin’ Larry or some such. He’s a mainstay in the lower division of TP. And, these days, he passes himself off in the so-called mainstream universe as respectable.