Jan 08


Quote of the Day:

I am the Great Cornholio!”     –Beavis

TB was speaking with a friend just the other day when suddenly they said something terrible.

What made it so bad was she wasn’t the first person to say such a thing to me–far from it. In fact, though I block it out immediately each time because it is so horrible to contemplate and I therefore find the frequency of the utterance impossible to quantify, I get told this with something approaching, dare I say it, regularity.

We were commiserating over the fact that we are both suffering from colds. Both of us are are thankful we’ve not had the flu. A few more pleasantries and then BAM! “This diarrhea is killin’ me though.”

Say what? Yeah, I actually had her repeat it, partly due to me being hard of hearing and partly because I can never freaking believe it when someone, uh,  drops this revolting and completely unuseful fact. “This diarrhea, it’s bad,” she shook her head to emphasize the extent of her suffering.

Taken aback as always, and unable to, errr, evacuate the conversation without making some reply, I laughed. I always laugh when someone, um, runs that ailment by me.

What the hell else am I supposed to do? I can’t exactly help can I? What are these people after? “Well, you look great!” Or, “I can hardly even smell it!” Perhaps they’re hoping to connect on a deeper level? “Me too, dude!”

Sorry, all they’re gettin’, ehh, out of me is a laugh. That and probably something like “That stinks, man,” as I flee the encounter at a trot.

People I implore you. Those Facebook posts on how “it’s comin’ out both ways?” Wipe ‘em clean.

Water cooler talk about “sittin’ on the throne all night?” Hold it.

And for God’s sake, when communicating the details of your travails to old TB, when you get to the part about diarrhea, just flush it.


Permanent link to this article: http://www.missingtheground.com/2015/01/cha-cha-cha/

Jan 07

Religious Law

I picked up a Sun Herald newspaper today. For you young folks, a newspaper is a periodical publication containing news, other informative articles, and usually advertising. A newspaper is usually printed on relatively inexpensive, low-grade paper such as newsprint. I stole that definition from Wikipedia because sometimes simple objects can be hard to put into words.

We are having some local drama and the headlines made me buy my first paper in a long, long time. Did you know they cost 75 cents now? Caught me by surprise. Anyway, as I was thumbing through this piece of living history, a story on page 5A caught my eye. It has moved me to write this little diatribe. That and the fact that TB threatened to drop my workers comp if I didn’t start posting again.

I wasn’t aware of it but did you know that according the the State of Mississippi’s constitution, one has to believe in a Supreme Being to hold public office? Apparently, a group called Openly Secular is trying to remove this requirement from the Constitution.

Now this seems like common sense to me but I am surrounded by a state full of people that would probably declare Openly Secular’s efforts to be the “continued war on religion”. This is exactly the type of warped thinking that runs rampant here. Here’s the problem with religious folk as I see it. It’s ok to have laws on the books that discriminate because we are in the majority. Of course we believe in the Constitution and separation of church and state. But you have to believe in God to hold public office. And we should post the Ten Commandments in every courtroom. And we should put prayer back in our public schools. And clearly we should have “In God I Trust” on our national currency. And, of course, Adam and Steve can’t get married. “Yoo no this country was formed by Christians stoopid!”

Openly Seculars efforts don’t stand a chance in hell of being successful. And that is a shame. No, I am not very religious as you can probably tell. But I can guarantee you that even if I was, I would hold these same convictions. Stop legislating with the Bible folks. Another religion holds this same goal. I believe they call it Shariah or something like that. And if they ever get the majority, you can enjoy living under what you always wanted.

Religious Law.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.missingtheground.com/2015/01/religious-law/

Dec 25

MTGU Xmas Update

Merry Christmas MTGU.

Thought you’d like to know, we raised $825 this year. It went to a guy who’s had a tough medical year but is on the mend physically–still fighting it financially; another guy who’s business suffered a major setback not entirely of his making and is now trying to get his head above water; to a family of 5 who lost everything in a fire two weeks ago; and there was no fourth nominee, so we’re on the lookout for someone, probably in the service industry or retail to drop it on before the New Year.
TB’s heading out for Winter Vacation, so who knows if I’ll be able to post anything for a couple of weeks (what else is new), but I am resolved to get this thing back in gear for 2015. In the meantime, I’ll probably tweet out some pics and observations on Vermont.

For the eleven of us in the money pool, RJ won the big money, edging out Flyin’ J.  Mac and MadDawg shared last place honors. I’ll get with you after the New Year to deliver your winnings.

Thanks, everyone, peace-out.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.missingtheground.com/2014/12/mtgu-xmas-update/

Dec 17

Thursday Pickin’ Season VII (TP and the Temple of Doom) Final-ish results

Quote of the Day:

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.”     –Douglas Adams

There is only one thing in the entire so-called mainstream universe that is more anticlimactic than the end of the regular season of Thursday Pickin’. That thing is so colossal, monumental, amazing, jaw-dropping and mind-blowing; it is stupendous, dazzling in it’s anticlimacticness; awe inspiring; really neat even. Which is to say, well maybe the end of bowl season is slightly more anticlimactic but other than that, you may be able to come up with something else, I don’t know, anticlimactic type stuff is pretty much easy to find……

…….Nevertheless, TB finished the season in the same way my favorite quarterback sprinted down the stretch in the Heisman race. Oh and 5. Lost my POTW. Worst. Picks. Ever. I ended the season with my worst ever record, 6-9 on POTWs. I was 39-34 on bonus picks, which is nice. I gave myself List of the Week so I could have some points–emperor’s prerogative, which is a really strange way to spell per-rogative if you ask me. Sweet gets song of the week for picking something released this century for once.

The MTGU went 7-10 and 17-21 in the final week and ended the season with a collective POTW record of 164-163. On bonus picks we were 396-358.  Nelson won the week for those of you keeping score at home, and how could you, what with the often misunderstood complexity and illogical beauty of the UCbMOLFSS.

It came down to bonus picks to determine who was going to be the MTGU Thursday Pickin’ Grand Champion of 2014 (the MTGUTPGC) (pending the bowls and possibly having to share part of the crown, if we even bother with all that this year).

RJ won his Pick of the Week and Flyin’ J lost. But on bonus picks, RJ flatlined at 2-2, good for a baseline 50 points while Flyin’ J mitigated his POTW loss by going 4-1 on bonus picks to add a net 18 to his base of 20 for 38 weekly points. Would it be enough? Yep. And you should know that Flyin’ J probably didn’t watch more than one game all year. What a country!

Final Regular Season Standings:

  1. Flyin’ J      647
  2. RJ             623
  3. Nelson      584
  4. Sweet       564
  5. RSR          561
  6. SDog         526
  7. Kitchen P  514
  8. TB             514
  9. SmilyJ       509
  10. Folly J        496
  11. JLou           490
  12. Fish            488
  13. Face           485
  14. Tiny D         471
  15. MD              446
  16. Mac            443
  17. Irv               442
  18. TJ               398
  19. Harmony     398
  20. Pitalo           375
  21. BW Buzz     368
  22. And the rest….

Give me a day or two for the 10 folks in the money pool. Looks like it’s gonna be tight between RJ and Flyin’ J on that one too, with several of us fighting it out for last.

In the meantime, All Hail Flyin’ J and his patented, now proven method of picking games straight out of his ass.

And now to see how long it takes him to read the blog and realize he won.



Permanent link to this article: http://www.missingtheground.com/2014/12/thursday-pickin-season-vii-tp-and-the-temple-of-doom-final-ish-results/

Dec 15

MTG pre-Xmas Housekeeping

Hello friends,

Just wanted to bring you up to date on a few things.

First, the Be Excellent fund is now over $700, a new record. Thank you to all who have shopped the Amazon portal and/or sent in money. There is still time to do both if you have been procrastinating and as for the Amazon link, it’s open year round and I throw what we make into the annual pot. I have two nominees in to send the money to and would like to get one or two more. So if you have someone in mind, let me know. I’m toying with the idea of dropping a honey bun on some truly random person such as a retail worker or restaurant server.

As for Thursday Pickin’,  I’ll have the final results posted this week.  We’ll do a little bowl pickin’ too and you don’t want to miss that. If you were in the money pool, I’ll post those results either Thursday or Friday. I received several entry fees this week, so hopefully that’s everyone, but if you were “in” and haven’t sent in your money, please do.

Finally, I know my lack of posting lately has made this page a pretty empty click and trust me, I hate that. I’ve been busier than ever for the last few months and I’m grateful for the work, but it’s been hard to post. Hopefully I’ll get a little more disciplined with the coming of the New Year and get this page back in gear!


Permanent link to this article: http://www.missingtheground.com/2014/12/mtg-pre-xmas-housekeeping/

Dec 11

Sometimes, when you’re a Grown-up….

Quote of the Day:

Daddy, I thought we didn’t say that?”     –the Li’l Scamp

……and you are 44 years old, and it’s been a busy day of work and Xmas and all that entails such as making three trips to Wal Mart to pick up the same thing three times because you just can’t seem to get it exactly right and there are three charities giving you the evil eye comin’ and goin’ and how do they know if I haven’t already given on the way in, and also such as driving by a drive thru (sic) Nativity scene and contemplating Christ and the manger and who’da’thunk, and now you’re getting your daughter out of the tub and you’ve rubbed down half her body with three different levels of eczema cream and put a little antibiotic ointment on the sore on her wrist and while she takes care of her necessaries you begin to brush your teeth…..

…….well, sometimes the toothpaste flicks and I can’t recall why it flicked, but sometimes, when you’re a Grown-up (sic) it flicks right smack dab into the center of your eye and as it burns, oh how it burns, you think to yourself, “I made it 44 years without this ever happening to me and why is it happening now?,” but you shout out “GODDOGGITT!”

And the Scamp says, “Daddy I thought we didn’t say that!?”

And you say “WE DON’T!” And it scares her a little the way you say that.

And then you take the contact out of your eye and all those residual creams on the tip of your forefinger don’t react well when mixed with toothpaste and tears and you say “GOD-DA-OGGITT!” and the Scamp says “Daddy we don’t–”


And then you gotta take the other contact out of the good eye because symmetry but first you gotta wash your hands and oh how it burns and you can’t really see so the toothbrush and water cup and deodorant and band-aids and eczema creams go everywhere but finally you flush the damn eye out……..

……and your wife looks on and it never even occurs to her any more to try and remember the confident, floppy-headed, rakish young man you even yet imagine you see in the mirror.

‘Course what with the teary-red eye and the burning and contact lenses on the floor, what do you expect?

Permanent link to this article: http://www.missingtheground.com/2014/12/sometimes-when-youre-a-grown-up/

Dec 07

Sincere But Ignorant Facebook Post

On this the 14th anniversary of the Japanese bombing of Pearl Street, I want to wish all our vets a good day. As Teddy Roosevelt said, “This day shall live in infancy.” Wise words from our 62nd president. To think he said such wise things from that scooter because he was suffering from concussions he got from playing football at the University of Illinois-Urbana. Or Harvard, I can’t remember, but it doesn’t matter. He was a great man. He reminds me of that other great president of his time Benjamin Franklin, who also discovered energy. I wish we had good Christian leaders like those two nowadays.

Please share if you love Jesus. If not, your grandfather will get gang raped by Ebola people just like God would want.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.missingtheground.com/2014/12/sincere-but-ignorant-facebook-post/

Dec 04

Thursday Pickin’ Season VII, Week 15

Quote of the Day:

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

–Douglas Adams

Never in the history of Thursday Pickin’ have we seen a blunder so large as the ones committed by RSR and Kitchen Princess in failing to post their usual Ole Miss-Pick of the Week last week. Instead of having a college roommate death match to finish the season, they allowed Flyin’ J to swoop in, take, then retain his lead.  Not many games to choose from this weekend, and only Sweet, RSR, RJ and Flyin’ J have a mathematical chance to take home the TP Trophy and all it stands for.

Over the last two weeks, TB has gone 0-2 on POTW’s and 6-4 on bonus picks, leaving me at 6-8, 39-29. The MTGU went 14-19 on POTWs and 39-36 on bonus picks to move to 157-153 on POTW’s for the season and 357-324 on bonus picks.

Flyin’ J won Week 13, Song of the Week went to Tiny D and List of the Week to RSR. Face hit the biggest dog of the Week. In Week 14, RJ took home honors with a 4-0 bonus pick record and the biggest Dog of the Week. Song of the Week went to JLou and List of the Week to TB.

If you were in the pay pool, I’ll post the final records next week. If you haven’t paid up…..pay up.

PS, thanks to all who have pitched in to this year’s “Be Excellent” so far and to those of you who are procrastinating but are going to come through for a stranger.

Here are the updated season standings:

  1. Flyin’ J          609
  2. RJ                573
  3. RSR             551
  4. Sweet           538
  5. Nelson          528
  6. Kitchen P      514
  7. TB                 509
  8. Folly J           496
  9. JLou              480
  10. SDog             476
  11. Face              475
  12. Fish               468
  13. Smily             453
  14. MD                 444
  15. Mac               433
  16. Tiny D            427
  17. TJ                  398
  18. Harmony        388
  19. Irv                  386
  20. Pitalo             375
  21. BW Buzz       318
  22. Quitter section

Here are TB’s Picks of the Week and here’s your damn link to the odds:

  • Arizona  +14′
  • Kansas St  +8
  • Missouri  +14′
  • Wisconsin  -4
  • Marshall  -10′

POTW — Florida St  -4′


  • The End – Beatles
  • It’s Over – Lisa Loeb
  • It’s Never Over – Arcade Fire
  • The End – The Doors

So Long and Thanks for All the Fish – Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Soundtrack

Permanent link to this article: http://www.missingtheground.com/2014/12/thursday-pickin-season-vii-week-15/

Nov 26

Thursday Pickin’ Season VII, Week 14 (Thanksgiving-Hate-DeadTrees-Wine edition)

Quote of the Day:

Here I sit, a stranger in a strange land, a bottle of wine in, or three sheets to the wind….perhaps…..as they say, more or less……more actually…….

…….on Thanksgiving eve in Oxford town………

and here’s the thing………

……..you’re gonna have to wait a bit on last week’s results. TB’ll post’em in the comments sometime…..not at this time……a time that is not now……when I have time…..prolly Friday……

…….it’s Egg Bowl Week after all. And this year it’s bigger than ever. More important than ever. Hate-i-er than ever.

Somebody pinned a letter to a pin oak in the Grove it seems (or is it The grove…..whatever), threatening death and dismemberment to the sainted trees and less deified but still apparently well thought of shrubbery of Ole Miss. Then the internets broke. I even got a note from my alma mater, second class, just this evening promising me that the letter has been turned over to the Authorities. As has been pointed out by both the twittersphere and my Rebel step brothers-in-law, this letter (the death letter not the FBI letter) is obviously a ho-ax because it referred to the “beauty” of the University of Mississippi campus, something no true State fan will ever be able to discern, no matter how easy we try.



I ain’t gonna lie. This game, the Battle for the Golden Egg, is tough. And this one promises to be as hard fought as any that have come before and I don’t think I would be remiss to say that it will be more hate-i-er than usual. I can tell you that I have felt the disdain oozing from Rebel pores ever since crossing the Lafayette County line earlier this afternoon, but I shalt fear no evil for Dak art with me…….but I digress…….


……two and half more days…….let’s get on with it.


Here’s my picks and then some tunage and here’s your blahblahblah link to the odds:

  • Georgia Tech +13
  • Notre Dame  +7
  • Florida St  -7′
  • TCU  -6′
  • Alabama  -8′

POTW THE Mississippi STATE University Bulldogs  -2′

  • I Hate Myself For Loving You – Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
  • Dead Flowers – Stones
  • Give Thanks And Praise – Bob Marley and the Wailers
  • Two More Bottles of Wine – Emmylou Harris

SOTW – Rednecks, White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer – Johnny Russel

Permanent link to this article: http://www.missingtheground.com/2014/11/thursday-pickin-season-vii-week-14-thanksgiving-hate-deadtrees-wine-edition/

Nov 21

Not Around Here You Commie Basturd 7 Year Old.

A friend posted a picture today of a lunch served to an elementary school student that was behind on their lunch credit (money). It was literally a cheese sandwich. Two slices of bread and two slices of cheese. These posts pop up from time to time and I always find them incredibly intriguing. You have seen the stories. Schools denying kids food or like in this case, giving them sparse rations.

First off, I think public schools have turned into power hungry gulag camps but I am not going to go into all that.

I always find the lunch post interesting because I enjoy watching people. The comments on these posts are almost always women declaring their condemnation of such barbaric practices. “How can they do this to those poor children?” is a good example of the comments you will see. It’s ironic that most of these same commenters (living in god forbid Republican hell yeah ‘Merica Mississippi dammit) are most certainly GOP’ers and in general fervently against socialism and Obama welfare to no good layabouts. But what they are proposing is stone cold communism and exactly 180 degrees from “capitalism” and a free market. Because capitalism and a free market says that the parents failed to pay the bill so Little Johnny is going to have to starve today.

I personally agree with both camps. No child should EVER go without lunch and should most certainly not be served something different which will ostracize them even more from their classmates. But people should pay their own way as much as humanly possible.

Here’s my proposal. Much better lines of communication. Many problems in life can be solved by this FTR. Make every effort to inform the parents that their kids are running low on their lunch bill. When it runs out, feed the child a normal meal and tell the parents that Little Johnny won’t be allowed back to school until they get their asses up there and pay the bill.

Whatever we do people, for the love of God, punishing the kids is not the right answer.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.missingtheground.com/2014/11/not-around-here-you-commie-basturd-7-year-old/

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